Memorial Nurse Wins Award for Bereavement Program — Memory Candle Offers Comfort for Grieving Families
“Memory Candle” Offers Comforting Message
Paula Hardison’s “Memory Candle” provides consolation to families with the following inspirational poem:
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you wake in the morning hush
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.
Do not stand at my grave
And weep.
I am not there. I do not sleep.
Mary Elizabeth Frye
December 2004 — It can take anywhere from 3 to 10 years — or longer — to work through the grieving process after the death of a loved one. And the first step can make all the difference.
“I have dealt with more than 300 deaths over my career as a nurse in trauma and intensive care, and the way we respond to families and friends at this time is extremely important,” says Paula Hardison, RN, CCRN, at Memorial Regional Hospital. Paula is a certified bereavement facilitator who was recently recognized by the American Business Women’s Association with the “Spirit of Excellence” award as Healthcare Leader of the Year. “I realized that, in addition to my duties as a nurse, I am here to facilitate a dignified death and to assist families in coping with loss.”
One way that Paula and many of the nurses at Memorial Regional Hospital help families is by giving them a “Memory Candle.” As part of the bereavement program Paula worked to develop 5 years ago, the 6-inch candle features an inspirational poem and is wrapped in white tulle and secured with a lavender bow. “I investigated the bereavement program at Joe DiMaggio Children’s Hospital and used it as a model,” says Paula. “In addition to giving the candle, we do all we can to honor the religious customs of the family, as well as provide support groups and follow up with phone calls to check in on survivors.”
Paula shares how the Memory Candle affects people. “The candle is something they can hold, something they can keep,” says Paula. “Many women respond by cradling it like a baby, and I’ve seen men reduced to tears, finally able to grieve. Our nurses really care about their patients and it gives them an opportunity to combine their medical training with their compassion. This simple candle helps to make the moment softer, and shows our recognition of the pain and grief survivors are experiencing. It also reminds them that the departed one’s love goes with them wherever they may be.”
Volunteers from Memorial Healthcare System staff meet weekly to assemble the Memory Candles, which are distributed throughout the hospital.
For more information about the Bereavement Program or support group at Memorial Regional Hospital, contact
(954) 987-2020 extension 4281.