October Is Domestic Violence Awareness Month: Learn the Warning Signs of Emotional and Physical Abuse
Recognizing Abuse
You might be a victim of abuse if you:
- “Walk on eggshells” to avoid angering your spouse/partner
- Stop seeing friends or family because your spouse/partner doesn’t approve
- Eliminate activities you enjoy because your spouse/partner doesn’t approve
- Are required to account for your whereabouts every moment
- Get interrogated or harassed about every penny you spend
- Believe that jealousy and possessiveness are signs of love
- Believe the critical things your spouse/partner says about you
Just in case:
- Keep at least $50 cash hidden in a safe place
- Carry your cell phone at all times
- Have a plan of escape – know where you’ll go in an emergency and take important documents, like birth certificates and social security cards
Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for information about where you can het help in your area:
(800) 799-SAFE (7233)
/ TTY (800) 787-3224
October 2004 — Anyone can be a victim of domestic violence. In fact, studies show that 2 million women are assaulted each year by a spouse or partner — but because of the stigma associated with abuse, that number may be as high as 4 million.
Very few people are willing to identify themselves as victims — or abusers — in domestic violence situations. Victims often remain silent out of shame or fear of heightened abuse. Abusers may minimize their actions or blame the victim for provoking them. And both victim and abuser are likely to view instances of abuse as family arguments that just "got out of control".
Because abuse takes many forms, including verbal and emotional, it is critical to learn the early warning signs and prevent the abuse from continuing.
Understanding Emotional Abuse
"While physical abuse may be easier to identify, all forms of abuse have psychological consequences," says Judith Marquit, PhD, psychologist on staff at Memorial Regional Hospital, Memorial Hospital West and Memorial Hospital Pembroke. "Emotional abuse is the most prevalent form. The problem is that it does not leave visible signs and can go undetected."
Emotional abuse is the result of an individual seeking power and control over another. Common forms of emotional abuse include yelling, verbal threats, insults, blame and humiliation. Often, an abuser will threaten bodily harm, threaten to take a spouse's children away or threaten to harm a person's loved ones or possessions, including pets. A partner who is jealous or possessive, or who controls the money and questions how every penny is spent, often leaves the victim feeling isolated and dependent on the abuser.
What Should You Do?
Recognizing abuse is the first step. Learning how to respond is the next.
"When faced with a partner who is yelling or threatening, the best thing to do is to remain calm," says Dr. Marquit. "Be aware of the cadence, or speed, of your words. Keep your voice low and continue to talk calmly. Create a period of 'time-out' by going into another room or suggesting a few moments apart. This can often assist in diluting anger."
Emotional outbursts may lead to physical acts. "If the situation escalates, it is best to leave for a while," says Dr. Marquit. "It is important, however, to have a plan. Decide whether you will go to a family member or friend's house, or to a support facility. Have cash hidden in a safe place, and keep your cell phone with you in case you are prevented from leaving a room or home. Call 911 if the acts turn violent, or if you are not permitted to leave."
According to Dr. Marquit, the individual should seek professional help. "A professional will help the individual to assess the situation and help determine whether reconciliation is possible. If it is, and the abuser is willing to attend counseling, then a positive step has been taken. If the abuser is not willing, then the victim should go to counseling alone. If the victim decides to leave the relationship, he or she may still mourn the loss of the relationship. Counseling helps to deal with that grief and enables healing to occur."
If you or someone you love is an abusive relationship, seek help. For referral to a physician or psychologist, please call Memorial Physician Referral Service at (800) 944-DOCS.