Simple Ways to Foster Self-Esteem In Your Children
October 2004 — From a toddler learning to ride a tricycle to a teenager acing an algebra test, children with high self-esteem are confident, capable and enjoy their place in the world. What does self-esteem mean and how can you foster it in your children as they grow and develop?
Self-esteem is the "good feelings" children have about themselves. Self-esteem develops early in life, when infants become attached to the adults who care for them. Babies learn to feel loved and valued when adults respond to their cries and smiles. In the years to follow, children gain self-esteem because they belive they are accepted and cared for by adults they have learned to trust.
Helping your child develop healthy self-esteem is one of the most important — and rewarding — aspects of parenthood. Here are some ways to bring out the best in your child:
Listen
When your child talks to you, offer your full attention with a minimum of distractions. Encourage conversation by asking open-ended questions that can't be answered "yes" or "no." Pay attention to your feelings, posture and tone of voice. If necessary, help a young child find words to describe feelings.
Most importantly, avoid trying to fix things. Children usually want to share an experience, not hear a solution. Learning to solve problems builds self-esteem.
Praise
Praise sends a message of acceptance and appreciation. However, be careful not to overpraise. This can create pressure to be the "smartest, best, most wonderful," which is impossible to maintain and can lead to disappointment. Don't just flatter your children; instead, encourage and participate in their interests — such as letting them help you in the garden or going to the library to learn more about dinosaurs.
Set Limits
Discipline is essential to self-esteem. Like adults, children live in a world of "hard knocks" and challenges. They need the physical and emotional protection of rules and boundaries. At the same time, let children know that mistakes are a natural part of growing up and that everyone — including you — makes mistakes.
Accept
Fully accepting your child is the foundation of self-esteem. Recognize your child's unique abilities and talents; help your child see these talents and foster them; and look at negative behavior in the bigger context of who your child is.
Understanding Other Relationships
When children develop strong ties with peers in school or the neighborhood, they begin to see themselves differently from the way they were taught at home. Help your child by being clear about your values, while keeping the lines of communication open about experiences outside the home.
Listen for clues about relationships your child has with people outside the home - such as care providers, teachers and youth leaders — since these individuals play a role in the child's self-esteem.
If you're experiencing difficulty with your child's emotional development, contact a pediatrician or child psychologist. For referral to a physician in your area, please call Joe DiMaggio Children's Hospital Physician Referral Service toll- free at (866) JDCH-DOC.